Away To Me

First IVF Baby

She turned 30! Here's the story. 

Much Better

I woke up in a much better mood this morning. Sorry for yesterday's rant. I guess it all hit me at once and the cyber world didn't help my mood. But today is a new day and despite waking up at 4:30 startled from a nightmare I woke up a lot less anxious and irritable. 

Not much planned for the day. I will be cleaning my house. I swear it looks like a dog hair bomb went off in it. We have worked on the side yard securing it for Jake over the past 3 days and I think I can finally turn him loose out there tomorrow. That will allow me time to actually clean. I'll take pics of the changes we had to make in order to "Jake Proof" it. Lots and lots of locks were involved. 

I'm seriously annoyed by nearly everyone today

It could just be hormones, or it could be that people are just rude or don't think. 

There was a thread entitled "Circumcision". Then inside the question was, "when do they do it". There were plenty of responses to when these people had their sons' circumcised. I simply wrote, "We opted not to. Not preaching to you at all, but do your research" And then to make sure it was all good, I had little wink emotiocon inserted.

The next f'ing poster wrote, "This isn't a discussion about contemplating circumcision. She's obviously already made the decision to do it and was asking when it is typically done." 

So because I'm already completely annoyed with people I wrote: "You obviously didn't read my post clearly when I said, NOT preaching to you." Yes, I know bitchy but I don't care. Maybe she didn't know she had options in this regard. I wasn't lecturing, just stating what we did and telling her to do her research. Maybe she has and that is fine if that is her decision for her family. I make no judgments on that. 

I am avoiding blogs that are dealing with miscarriage or other subjects that I just don't need to know about. Unless there is something specific that I NEED TO KNOW in order to avoid disaster, please don't tell me about it. This process is nerve wracking enough. I don't need any warnings about things out of my hands. 

Hopefully I'll have a nicer, more happy post later in the day. Geeze I'm not liking the way I feel today. CRABBY. 

Yawn

I had a real long post planned to write, but now I'm just too tired. Maybe after my nap, I mean, Jake's nap, I'll feel up to it. 

Is my entire pregnancy going to make me feel like I'm in a cold pill haze? 

Details

I wanted to update you on the details of yesterday's ultra sound. It was a remarkable experience. Very emotional and exciting. First though I want to thank you for your support and comments. I can't believe the delurkers that left messages and I really, really want to stress to you all how much it means to me to know you are supportive and happy for us. I could feel the energy and good vibes jumping off the computer screen and into my heart and womb. Awesome, very awesome. And please, keep delurking and leaving comments, I do try to get back to most of the comments. Yesterday was just crazy with the phone calls, emails and chatting on-line with my girlfriends. Oh and yes, you all told me so, wish I would have believed, but I really didn't think twins was going to happen. I'm so glad both those beautiful blasts are turning into babies!

Yesterday Hubby, Jake and myself headed for the doc's office. Jake and I took my truck because hubby was leaving to go out of town straight from the doc's office. I originally thought he was going to miss the appointment but I was so glad when he told me he could go. Our wait was long, which is not normal for my clinic. They didn't make us wait in the waiting room long, but the wait in the ultra sound room was like 20 mins. So my darling hubby decided to take pics in order to entertain himself. 

Jake was entertained with our cell phones car keys, sippy cup and mommy's feet. Finally the doc came in with my favorite nurse and an intern. (we are at a university hospital) The moment Dr. P put the want in me I saw two sacks. I almost said out loud, "TWO" but I didn't. A few minutes later he said, "Well it looks like are" and I said, "two" and he said "Yep". But to me they looked empty. I said, "are they empty" his silence was scary. He moved the u/s around and then I could see the little gray ball in the sack. And then I saw it move, a rhythmic movement. It was the heartbeat. WOW. Then he looked at the second sack, much harder to find the gray mass and the heartbeat was harder to spot, but it was there. Hubby said, "Can I be an annoying father and ask for pictures" and Dr. P said, I'm printing one out right now.

He apologized for the quality of the u/s pics and said that where they were in my uterus was a very good spot, but also very hard to get a good picture of especially at this stage. I was 5w6d yesterday so seeing the heartbeat was really exciting and on the early side of being able to see it. When the doc said, "Yep, there is a second heartbeat, I'm calling this a twin pregnancy", my favorite nurse grabbed my knee. She looked as nervous and as excited as me! Then the doc said,"I don't see a third one". I was like "please tell me you didn't even question that". Nurse again squeezed my knee and looked as freaked as I did. 

I then asked about my risk of miscarriage, he said, 90% you'll carry to term. Once we see the heartbeats those are the odds. He also said, to just enjoy things, because you can't worry or control that anyway. He also allowed me to go on Prometrium suppositories every other day for my Progesterone. So now I do a shot one day and the vag suppositories the next. Gives my hips a break. I was so glad I asked. My hips are really sore. 

Then he gave me a hug and told us congratulations. It was so sincere and sweet. As soon as the door closed I started balling. Alex got tears in his eyes, but mostly he was so excited. He made no comments about being freaked out by twins, quite the contrary, he seemed so excited and happy about twins. I think the ultra sound really made this pregnancy real for him. He was so sweet to me and he kept telling Jake, "You are going to be the best big brother ever". And then he said, "I hope for your sake they aren't both girls buddy". I was cracking up. 

At line to check out and get my paperwork three other nurses came up and gave me a big hug. The receptionist looked at my paperwork and said, "OH Twins" Congratulations. Alex and I both commented on how sincerely excited they were for us. I called my dad as I was walking out of the building and told him. He was so excited. Alex called his mom. Later in the day I called my brother. He was hysterical, he yelled out to his friends/coworkers "my sister is pregnant with twins". It was so funny. We might try to go out to dinner with them (him and his girlfriend) this weekend. 

I haven't told my mom or grandma yet. I will see them today and a memorial service for my grandma's sister who passed. I'll tell them then. I know it maybe early to tell everyone, but I just can't help it. I just want to tell complete strangers. I'm so excited.

OMG ! !

Did you notice the two exclamation points? I guess I'm the one smoking crack.... well, not I can't do that, cause you see, I'm pregnant with

Twins!!

We saw both heartbeats, one was easier to see than the other. More details later!

Until then, here is a pic, lower left corner shows the two little bean sacks! 

Seriously? 70%

Are you guys smoking crack? I think you are all crazy. 70% of you voted TWINS?

3 hours till I find out for sure. Please, let there be at least 1 healthy one. The good news is I woke up feeling queasy this morning. It passed after about 15 mins or so. It could just be nerves about this morning's ultra sound though. 

T-Minus 20 hours.

The ultra sound is less than 24 hours away. I can't tell you how both excited and nervous I am about it. I keep feeling like I'm making up my symptoms. I keep feeling like being tired and bloated is because of the meds, not because of a real life baby inside of me. 

Then every once in awhile I have flash moment of optimism. I decided to put a poll up and get some blog readers participating in the "fun" (not) of this waiting time. I originally formatted the poll to say, One, Two or None, but my better judgement took over and I'm going to remain optimistic and hopeful. Besides if some rouge reader clicked on NONE I'd probably feel sick to my stomach. 

So please give me your best judgement about what you think. To help you with your guessing, here's what I know. 

• I feel like there is only one (that's just my mind - I also feel like it's a boy)
• 2 perfect AA blasts were transfered
• My Beta was 681 at 13 days past a 5 day transfer (18dpo)
• I have had no spotting or cramps, just some tugging, stretching feelings
• I am HUGE right now. Seriously huge, but no weight gain, just more than a half pound 
• I have no real pregnancy symptoms other than being bloated and really tired.   

So there you have it. Vote please! It will entertain me for the next 20 hours.  

Blue Camo bandaid and Pink princess pull ups

Yesterday afternoon Jake had his official 2yo check up with the pediatrician. I never go in April around his birthday, it just seems like such a crappy thing to do to a kid. It's your birthday, now let's go get poked and prodded by a doc and take some vaccinations. 

I must brag on my boy, he was a stud and such a fun little guy in the doc's office. He played well while waiting in the waiting room, sharing toys with an older little girl. He smiled and waved at people and just charmed everyone. Once in the doc's office the nurse weighed and measured him and commented at least twice on "what a good 2yo he is"! Duh! 

Then we went in to see the doc. I love this new pediatrician. She was the one I got the last time we went in when he had a high temp. It was by accident that we got her as I didn't have an appointment that day. But I made sure to ask for her again. She was very complimentary about Jake's attitude and personality. She had no worries about his vocabulary and said don't worry about it, he sounds pretty much on track and you'll find he'll just all of a sudden explode with words. 

She also took me seriously when I pointed to a hernia type looking bump on his tummy. Nobody has thought it was a hernia so far. I have no idea what it is, but it bugs me that we don't know. She pushed on it and decided we had better get it ultra sounded. I also showed her this odd bump area on his lower back area that he has also had since birth and she said we should get that ultra sounded at the same time. I like thoroughness without overkill from a doc.

After the doc left the nurse came back with his one shot for the day. He was a champ! First when he saw the syringe he said, "Baby, yep, baby". The nurse gave me a funny look. I had to explain that I vaccinate lambs, "Baby sheep" and therefor he thinks all syringes are for Babies. She thought that was great and really smart. Then he got his shot in his thigh. He gave me a sort of odd look but he didn't cry, didn't even whimper. And after she put the bandaid on, he said, "all done". She gave him a high five and then he gave her a thumbs up. So fricking adorable!

With my pregnancy brain, I made the mistake of buying girl pull ups instead of boy pull ups. Now that's not such a big deal, except I bought them at Costco which means I have a ton of pink princess pull ups for my boy. So funny! He's got his blue camo bandaid from his shot and pink princess pull ups. But I think he pulls it off well. 

I call this pic "bam bam"

He has so many bruises on his legs! All boy, thank goodness the docs see this a lot. LOL

Yeah, my boy rocks the bandaid and princess pull ups!

I just love this face. He's just so beautiful to me!

Feeling like a Fraud.

Sometimes I feel like a fraud when I tell someone I'm pregnant. I mean, I may not still be pregnant. I have no reason to believe I miscarried, but I guess I really won't know anything positive until my ultra sound on Thursday. It just doesn't feel real yet in a lot of ways. I keep thinking that if I had morning sickness it would feel more real. I know I shouldn't hope for m/s cause it can get bad and miserable and super dangerous if it gets of of control. But still I just feel like a fake right now. 

One part of me wants to tell the world, the other part of me is embarrassed because I worry that on Thursday the doc will say, "Well I'm sorry, looks like it disappeared". Again, I have no real reason to believe anything went wrong, but I just feel like this is too good to be true. It reminds me of when we were first matched up with Jake's bio family. I kept thinking, this is just too good to be true, this can't finally be happening. 

The fact that I'm super bloated and my belly is very distended makes me feel like even more of a fraud. I mean, I look like I'm 5 months along. Seriously! I lost 24 pounds since December until the start of this cycle. That's  a pretty good amount of weight for a person my size, 5'. I haven't weighed myself since I started this cycle, but I'm sure I've gained some. But this belly thing is crazy. I'm not holding a lot of water. I drink a lot of water (with lemon) all throughout the day. It tastes fantastic! And I'm peeing often. I'm avoiding salt and other than yesterday, I've probably been eating healthier since I got my BFP than I have in a long time. 

My hips are so sore and sick of PIO shots. They are almost numb now and they are swollen and hot and have tons of little holes in  the bruises. Hubby calls my hips purple push pins. I should probably give my hips a break and take my shot in the fanny but I have such a hard time doing that, it isn't much better. And don't get me wrong, this is TOTALLY worth it. And really I'm not complaining, I'm just sort of describing things. 

I still am thinking a singleton is in me, not twins, but again, we won't know anything till Thursday. Every once in awhile I say, "he" in regards to the baby. Intuition? Perhaps or it could be I'm used to using the term "he" cause of Jake.