Away To Me

Question

Is it okay to go to an ex-boyfriend's funeral? I haven't seen him in probably 15 years and for some reason I feel odd about it. My husband I'm sure will be fine with it, but it seems odd. 

Any thoughts? 

My first love

I found out about an hour ago that an old boyfriend died unexpected on Friday night. I do not know many details but the details I have do not make any sense. I keep hoping it is a misunderstanding. The girl who called to inform me was a very good mutual friend of ours and so I have to believe her. She even spoke to his brother. 

His name is Thomas and he really was my first love. He helped me to get over a very traumatic phase of my life. I owe a great deal of who I am and my confidence to him. He was a fantastic boyfriend for many years. He wandered a bit and broke my heart, but he'll always been a special person in my heart. There were a lot of issues as to why it would never work between us, too young, family issues, religious differences, etc. But he was a good person who I will always care for. 

We were best friends for about two years before we dated. I used to remind him to send his girlfriends flowers,  and he introduced me to a guy I dated for a few months. We were just friends and even when we dated we were friends. I remember the first night I met him, I was with a guy, a friend who he assumed I was dating and he said, "Don't let that one get away Gene, I'll snatch her up" and I though, "How rude"! Gene (who really was just a friend) said, "Oh, that's just Thomas, you'll learn to love the guy in no time". And he was right. We were best of friends and then more a few years later. 

He leaves behind two sons (I think, I know he has one son for sure). Not to mention his mom, brother, sister a niece and two nephews.  I haven't seen him in years but I spoke to him after Jake was born but before I was pregnant with the boys. He was the same old Thomas. He said something over the phone that I didn't think was appropriate, so I never called him again. I had called him to see if he would detail my truck as he owned an auto detailing company. After his comment I didn't feel comfortable having him or someone who worked for him detailing my vehicle. I'm married now and jokes like his weren't appropriate. But that doesn't mean I was mad at him, it was just a line not to cross if you know what I mean. 

I feel so bad right now. It is such a sad feeling knowing that someone you loved is gone and all the people who you know cared for and relied on him for so much are now left to be even more sad than I am. 

Some of my proudest 72 hours ever!

For the past three days I have not raised my voice or yelled at Jake. I know to some of you that sounds like no big deal. But lately I've become a yelling mom. I never wanted to be a yelling mom. I am embarrassed that I've become a yeller. In fact, I've become a screamer at times. Not good, not good at all.

The other day I was reading one of my favorite blogs and I read a post that really put it in perspective for me. I don't want to change who my child is (in a negative way). Yelling does that I am not going to do that to him.   I love him more than anything. ( all my kids) I would hate to be yelled at all the time. Why would I do that to someone I love? My husband doesn't yell at me and yet lately we have both been yelling at Jake. It is time to stop.

It just sort of snuck up on me. It seems like I'm always so tired from being up with babies all night and sometimes Jake would be doing something and I couldn't physically get to him to stop him so I'd yell. It is like I replaced my body with my voice. Baby on the boob or not, I can not yell! I will not yell!

Not yelling is hard, very hard. But it is also very rewarding. I feel like a much more productive parent. Plus, now when Jake yells at me and I calmly say, "Mommy doesn't speak to you that way, you can't speak to mommy that way". He told me today, "sorry mom, that's rude and the police man will take you to jail if you talk like that". I explained that it wasn't that drastic, but that yes, it is rude and that if I yell at him he should remind me not to yell. 

So, remind yourself, not to yell at your kids. And Christine if you read this. Thank you!!!

Hey Asshat

When I post a thread on a community forum regarding my concerns about Nathan's sleep pattern, please don't minimize my concerns. I posted there looking for help, similar stories, solutions, support, etc. Also, please read the original post that covers most of the questions you then waist my time asking and having me answer again.

And if you say that this is "normal" please back that up with some literature for me. Because I don't think it's normal for a baby at 8.5 months to not be able to sleep beyond 2 hours at a stretch and everything I read says it is not normal.

I really dislike Asshats when I'm not tired but when I'm super tired I hate Asshats!

Well babies.

Took Nathan and Wesley to the pediatrician for a well baby check up. I've decided to hold off on vaccinations for the time being. Mostly the visit was for my issues with Nathan. His non sleeping. I needed to rule out that it was anything physically wrong with him that was causing him to wake up. It's not a physical issue, it's more of a sleep disorder. Her suggestion of "crying won't hurt him" did not sit well with me as a disagree with her completely. I bit of crying doesn't hurt, but Nathan is at the far end of the spectrum. His crying in the night turns into violent, loud never ending screams. It is horrible and I will not be doing it. It's like night terrors or panic attacks. We tried to let him work things out. Crying in our arms, even crying out of arms for awhile. It doesn't work with Nathan. 

In other news, the physical stats at  8 1/2 months old:

Nathan 16 pounds 3 ounces 26 inches long.

Wesley 19 pounds 11 ounces 27 inches long.

Still no teeth! 

Wesley is crawling very well. Nathan still crawls upside down and rolls to get a lot of places, but his army crawl is improving. Nathan says Mama. Both boys are starting to wave and try to clap. 

They are healthy, amazing little men! 

Under achiver

This whole NOBLOPA or whatever it that everyone is doing. I guess you blog every day of the month of November. Me, I'm waiting till February, a short month. I'm an under achiever.

In other news, I suck. I suck big time. I didn't get more photos of the babies. I just don't have the energy, time or help to do it. 

Vampire Babies - Part 1

More photos to follow tomorrow.

Silent Reflux

Thanks everyone for your support and advice. We have considered silent reflux as a cause of Nathan's wakings for quite awhile now. I think I even blogged about it awhile ago. I'd look up the link but I'm too tired. lol!  We have even discussed it with the pediatrician who didn't not recommend meds for it  because she felt his case was so mild that he'd probably outgrow it. Now I'm going to revisit the subject with her.

Wesley gets up about three times a night. He's easily soothed back to sleep, just a few rubs on his back and he settles within 1-3 minutes. At about 3:30 he wakes up hungry and I nurse him. It used to be 2:30, but we've been pushing that nursing session later and later. It's working. I don't mind getting up to nurse once or twice a night. But not getting more than an hour of sleep at a time, FOR 8 MONTHS, is not expectable. 

Nathan on the other hand, is impossible at night. He can not sooth himself. It drives us insane. We always make sure that the boys have fallen asleep by themselves, not with nursing or rocking. I think part of the problem is that in our small rental for the previous 3 or 4 months they were in our room. Which means they saw us and heard us while they put themselves to sleep. Now, that's not an option. Now they have to soothe themselves to sleep in their own room. Wesley can handle it, Nathan can't. Nathan has always had a bit of separation anxiety. Night time doesn't help things.

I've been trying to put Nathan to sleep first so that he won't wake Wesley up when he fusses. But Wesley is always more tired than Nathan. I really hate to move cribs in separate rooms, but I may have to do that. The strange thing is that Wesley can scream and not wake up Nathan (if he doesn't want to be woken) and the same thing can happen with Wesley if Nathan screams. It's odd how they can wake up so easily sometimes and not even flinch with mass chaos of screams at other times. 

Okay, blogging time is over. Boys are finishing their breakfasts and need to be cleaned up. I have a friend coming over today. I real life, twin mom (twin boys, a few months younger). 

Here are a few pics to show off their cuteness. And of course, Big Brother Jake in all his Bat Man costume cuteness. 

Wesley

 

Nathan

Something has to be done

Sleep is still not happening in this household. The problem mostly is with Nathan. PLEASE NO CIO ADVICE! Trust me, if I thought it would work for Nathan I would do it for his sake, let alone my own. He needs sleep as much as I do. I want sleep of course, but more importantly, I need Nathan to get sleep. He is the only one to get sick so far and I know in my heart that it is because he doesn't get enough rest. 

So Tuesday we have an appointment with the pediatrician. I don't expect any cures or worthy advice, but I need to be sure there is nothing physical going on. I will not let her blow me off on this. I just don't think it is normal for a baby at over 8 months of age to not be able to sleep longer than 2 hours at a time. 

I've been reading up (again) on vaccinations and I'm still on the fence about when to start, what to start with etc. The more I read, the more confused I become.  

Thought for yesterday

Yesterday was Mother-in-law Day and Mule day. Hmmm, I'd make a joke, but I don't want to offend any Mules or Mule lovers.